2017! Oh Boy! What do I say about you? Have you been great? Have you been annoying? Have you been stressful? All I can say is that,you have tested me..tested me in a way I didn’t envisage this year to be. This year was supposed to be what fairy tales are made of..I was kick starting the year marrying my long standing boyfriend turned fiance’. How could it not have been great?
So the year started off with me frantically meeting deadlines, making lists, checking off those lists, making frequent home trips and in between all of this also trying to enjoy the last of being the ‘single’ phase..
Time was on its own crazy clock..It was ‘The Day’ already and just like that we were ‘Man & Wife’.
We had planned to put off the honeymoon for a bit as we were both in between new jobs,setting up our house and doing the obligatory family visits.
Things were fine..We had finally set up the house..Had shifted to new jobs..It was pretty much back to basics..
But as I said, this year was anything but that. I remember calling my husband one day from work and cribbing about a sore throat,cold and how he joked about it by saying ‘don’t worry, we shall get some brandy in your system’. The next day I could barely talk and had to visit the doc, who prescribed the usual medicines for a flu. 6 months down today, I still don’t know what that flu was. What followed after that doctor visit was endless hospital trips, days on saline drips, blood tests and insane mood swings.
I remember one doctor casually telling me and my mother that ‘maybe its ‘Swine Flu’.. Maybe? Another said it was the wedding stress..Maybe? Another thought I was pregnant..Maybe? Maybe it was diarrhea and flu? Maybe? Maybe it wasn’t diagnosed correctly in the first place.. Maybe? The list of maybe’s didn’t end for me for months ..My immunity levels touched zero and my patience beneath that..
Being in a regular Indian family, the first thing told was ‘someone must have cursed you’. Maybe again..This went on for months..
I had to drop out of the new job to recover my immunity,to start from scratch..I had never taken a break in my career..Never..I even interned through my college holidays..This was a new territory..It was frustrating on most days and even more stifling on others. Yes you have your family and friends but at the end of each day, all of them have their own lives and a job to get to, a house to maintain,work to do and the drill..I was tired of all the sympathy calls and messages and after a point, I honestly didn’t wish to respond to anybody..I am sure most people genuinely cared but I am sure most were just being polite, obligatory and maybe some actually didn’t really care.
//Slowly the health improved and I thought all this was a bad dream..But BOOM!The next thing we know is that I have had a fall and needed stitches on my jaw..STITCHES..I have never been there before too.. By now I had started to fall for the ‘maybe I was cursed theory’. ///
The reason I am penning this down is because I am not going to make this an ‘I want to thank a 1000 people post’…
I have learnt a great deal about myself..I have usually been very harsh on myself growing up.. I have led a pretty much non-controversial mundane life where I have always thought that I have a list to tick, people to impress and an image to maintain..This phase has taught me to LET GO. And I couldn’t have been more thankful. I have spent days internalizing, days talking to myself, writing-re-writing and thinking..Today as I look back to January,2017 I can only smile thinking of what a whirlwind this has been..As the year draws to a close, yes I am still grateful for being married, grateful for having a family and supportive friends ..But I am most grateful for being put through this test to see a new me.
Today I love myself (more), value the little things (more), value self time (even more)…This is to all of you out there going through anything similar..It is ‘not okay’ that you are going through this,it is not easy and it was definitely not supposedly ‘meant to be’..
But as I said can we ever imagine what tomorrow will bring?
To 2017! The shutters are coming down..
Thank you ..
To 2018..I have never been more hopeful.